I Will Not Be Silenced

It’s the pivotal point in the live action movie Aladdin, where Princess Jasmine steps up and sings, “I will not be silenced…” in the song “Speechless.”  For me, in my present situation, it is one of my new battle cries.  Due to poor health (a recurrence of my lymphoma) and critically low white blood cell counts due to the first three-day round of chemo, I have temporarily lost two of my great loves:  teaching and preaching.  I’ve lost the classroom.  Now, due to isolation, I have also lost the pulpit.  It seems as though the enemy is trying to silence my voice.  Never!

I have recently realized social media and this web-blog are my new classrooms and pulpits.  I may have been silenced physically (the cancer is in my throat and tongue this time), but I will not be silenced.  My voice is my writing.  I’ve always loved writing…always hoped of being on the bestseller list someday…always hoped to influence or inspire someone out there.  I still have that opportunity.  Yes, my scope and method may be limited, but not my heart and mind.  My voice will linger on.

I’ve missed the past two weeks of blog entries because I’ve been nauseated and fighting a fever with very few white blood cells.  I am supposedly in the “easy” part of this treatment that will lead me to a complete annihilation of my bone marrow and an implantation of my own frozen stem cells.  At that point, we will hope and pray that my white blood cell system “reboots” and regenerates healthy cells.  It’s one of those cancer battles where they openly say, “If you can survive the treatment, there is a 98% chance the cancer will not return.”  Did you hear the “if” clause?  It’s one of the smallest and yet most influential words in the English language.  Like Jasmine’s moment, the “if” in your life stands in the crossroads between success and failure…hope and despair…life and death.  For me, the battle is real.

I hope and pray I will stay faithful and strong through the journey…that I will bring honor and glory to God (whether I live or die).  So, here is my promise:  I will not stay silent during the journey through the crossroads of my life during this cancer treatment.  I will speak my mind and my heart…share openly my doubts and fears.  But I will also do what I am able to continue in my quest to influence and inspire others along the way.  I hope you will journey with me.  I also hope you will invite someone else to join us as we go.

Please ask anything as we go.  Yes, I mean “anything.”  I will do my best to answer honestly, vulnerable and candid in my replies.  Also, share your own experiences and challenges.  I promise to pray for you weekly.  Let’s be real together and see where that takes us.  And remember, “My God is able.”


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